Stepping into the Light

Once there was a woman who seemed to have everything under control. She had it all together both before and after she surrendered to Christ. Self-control was her strength, she almost always had a smile on her face, and she was good at letting those around her know exactly what she expected of them. (Just step out of line, and his lady could give you a look that said "you might want to shut up and step away immediately.")

When this woman joined the body of Christ, she found more joy than she had been aware of in a long time, and life was wonderful in spite of her first husband's illness and eventual death, and in spite of the many other challenges that came her way. She was a mighty woman of God, who would stop strangers in distress and pray for them, whether in the hospital or at KFC. "Praise is What I Do" might as well have been her theme song.

Over the next few years she remarried, moved to a new city, had her ups and downs, but stayed faithful to Jesus and believed "everything is gonna be okay."

Slowly, though, she allowed anger over disappointing and frustrating circumstances to wear her down and keep her from Bible study and prayer. She kept a smile plastered on her face whenever she wasn't alone, but more and more of the time the smile was a lie, and as desperately as she cried out to God in her private moments, still she pulled further and further away. And yet, when she got to the point where she really believed "I can't take any more", it seemed sudden. Her psyche had been swinging more wildly between the ups and downs, and yet she was still able to appear cheerful and competent in front of co-workers and church members; even at home most the time she acted okay.

One day, though, she completely lost it; the crying that had come in short jags for weeks, just went on and on overnight and into the next morning. It continued while she drove around and then parked a short distance from her office. She called her husband who had been the object of her venomous frustration earlier that morning, and cried out to him. After their conversation, she continued to cry out to God as she had for weeks. She didn't stop crying until her face was swollen and exhaustion overtook her.

Now she was too tired to commit the suicide she'd been visualizing for days, and somehow she remembered who she was and Whose she was. She dug into the canvas bag of stuff she carried with her to work each day, and pulled out a Bible. She turned to the Gospel of John, chapter 14 and read. Then she read chapter 15 and fell asleep.

After a few minutes she woke up, checked that her face was less red and swollen, and went to work. Feeling precariously balanced, she didn't speak much  or look anyone in the eyes much for the next few days. On Sunday, she went to the front of the church at the end of the altar call, and requested her pastor-husband to pray for deliverance from fear. She whole church came forward to pray for her, not knowing her particular request. No miracle occurred, but she felt stronger.

The following Sunday, a spirit of bondage lay over the church at the start of service. The worship leader was distraught, pastor had to counsel him before service and the worship leader was unable to lead when he came out. The woman (pastor's wife) prayed silently for the worship leader. Pastor finally whispered to him to get up and lead praise and worship. As he did, the atmosphere broke and as the Holy Spirit entered, the pastor's wife screamed "Yes, Jesus" over and over, falling to her knees. She cried out, made promises to leave her burdens at the altar ("I'm not taking them back, I'm not taking them back, I'm not taking them back") and praised God in her own prayer language. Her brokenness allowed God to deliver her, and when she rose and got back into her seat knowing she was whole again, nearly everyone in the church was hollering and and praising God and finding His comfort in their own brokenness.

Even mighty women and men of God have issues that need to be broken before God in order for God to deliver them and send His comfort. This woman will never forget that God delivered her on May 17th, 2009, and that she promised to leave at His feet the things from which He delivered her. She will read and re-read John 14 and 15, especially John 14:27 (NLT) which says "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid."

His peace is greater than what the world can provide, and so it lasts in spite of the worldly situations one faces--if one accepts His peace and if one lives as if God, and neither self nor circumstance, is the source of true peace.

(Photograph by Kristin Smith)